Get Fed

When I was a child, there was a show on Public Television that encouraged reading. I loved it. There was typically a creative segment, followed by children sharing books they’d read. I remember Levar Burton’s tagline “but you don’t have to take my word for it…” Take a look, it’s in a book, a reading rainbow.

It’s been over a month since I last posted. It’s not that there haven’t been amazing things that have fed me in the past month. It’s been the exact opposite, in fact. I’ve been renewed in my reading of Scripture, encouraged by conversations I’ve had, reflections on said reading, and by a stack of books – a reading rainbow of sorts -  that have both challenged and entertained me.

I started January by reading Tim Tebow’s book, “Through My Eyes.” Available here

To be honest, I’m not much of a football fan. Actually, that’s not true. I enjoy football, specifically football played outside, in the fall, when it’s crisp, cool and the kids are winning. I just don’t have much interest in the technical aspects of the game. But, Tebow’s book was inspiring. Here’s a guy who lives his faith, wears it on his sleeve and is not ashamed. He knows the Gospel is the power of salvation. (Romans 1:16) It was awesome to read about his experiences playing H.S. and college ball, then making the jump to the NFL, all the while keeping his eyes fixed on Jesus. (Hebrews 12:2)

What’s been even more interesting is seeing how the media (and everyone else, for that matter) has made a big deal of “Tebowing,” how he lives his faith, and if that is appropriate for someone of his stature, his influence. Even more intriguing – just as we are commanded in scripture to not draw attention to ourselves in our life of faith, he’s not asked for the attention. Instead, it has found him.

I don’t know. I’d rather have a super-athelete, a “role-model,” a superstar. even “idol” known for his faith and the good he does, rather than his illegal activity, promiscuity, or crazy antics. It’s a great read. Especially for people who love the game and high school athletes.

I also began reading Kyle Idleman’s “Not A Fan.” Read more here

This book was recommended by my awesome co-worker, Brandon. There are no words for this book, other than wow. The impact has been similar to that of Francis Chan’s “Crazy Love” The challenge to move from ‘fan’ of Jesus to “follower” of Jesus is laid out there, so pure, so simply, but with such conviction. The book brings up so many thoughts, ideas, and reflections. There have been times when I’ve read a passage and it brings me to tears, because it describes my life, or convicts me that I’m more in the “fan” category than I realize. But it has also included such awesome truth, such as this little tid-bit from page 151:

“If being a slave to sin has left you broken and bruised, and you find your life is in pieces, my master can take the pieces of your life and turn them into a beautiful mosaic. If you are worn out and exhausted, my master gives rest to those who are weary and burdened.” Hallelujah, yes. That’s the Jesus I know!  (1 Corinth 5:17, Matthew 11:28)

In addition to reading these books, I’ve been enthralled with Hebrews. I don’t know why, but God has directed me to this book. I’ve read it many times, and have spent a great deal of time in reflection.

I guess the long and short  of this post, which is essentially a book report, is that reading books that encourage and feed our faith nurture our soul. They leave us seeking to know Jesus more, to delve further into relationship with Him. Or, they challenge us to really examine the faith we are living. As the theme song for Reading Rainbow said, “ways to grow, a reading rainbow.” These books have led me to grow.

I can’t wait for the next book to come along, and I say with excitement – “Lord, what are you going to show me next.”

Over the past two weeks, I have read the accounts of Jesus’ birth in Luke and Matthew. I love to read these chapters, and reflect on the fear, anticipation and many unanswered questions Mary and Joseph had. Can you imagine being in your early teens and becoming a parent? To the Child of God, no less?

Becoming a parent as an adult who’s more than ready is overwhelming enough! And the children I have are mere humans!

Most Christians, and many non-Christians as well, are familiar with the account of Jesus’ birth in Luke. The author of Luke was highly educated, well traveled, well connected, and extremely widely read. By the time he composed the Gospel, he was also a highly practiced and competent author – able to compose in a wide variety of literary forms according to the demands of the moment. As a result, his account is clear, to the point and, being an author of great practice, beautiful in it’s message.

Matthew’s account is less in depth about the birth of Jesus. In fact, Matthew sums up the birth of Jesus in a mere 7 verses.

But one of those verses always stands out…

Mary and Joseph were both Jewish. They knew and understood the sacrificial system of their people. They understood that forgiveness of sins came through the shedding of blood.

In Luke, an angel of God tells Mary that she will have a son, named Jesus, and that he will be great, and wonderful and reign forever. (Luke 1:29 – 33). These are pretty amazing and awesome words for a mom…

In Matthew, God tells Joseph that Mary will have a son, whom he shall name Jesus “because he will save his people from their sins.” (Matthew 1:21) These are pretty amazing words for Joseph. Amazing and heart-wrenching.

See, because Joseph was a practicing Jew, he knew and understood what this meant. He would have known, quite well that this child his wife would bear would at some point have to die. Die and shed blood. That’s a pretty heavy load to bear.

Christmas as we know it today has become a time to reflect on the beautiful thought of a baby being born in a manger. The soft focus glow our cultural Christianity has placed on Christmas, coupled with the crazy-secular commercialism greatly take away the reality of what Joseph knew.

This child was sent to die. This child was sent to shake things up, change the world, and in the end, give His life so we may live.

The Christmas season has come upon us with the same craziness matched with quiet moments just like every year before. The marathon of programs to attend, to-do lists to check, items to bake, buy, wrap and hide. Ah yes. Christmas.

For as long as I can remember, Christmas has been my favorite holiday. I’d write my Christmas card in July. I start thinking about gifts, and baking at about the same time. My brothers, when I was younger, would tease me about “planning ahead.” Of course, this was said in a sing-songy voice that only younger siblings can muster. It’s highly possible they still say this about me, in the same way.

This Christmas has been a bit different. Not good different, not bad different. Just…different. I still planned early. I still baked up a storm. I still have the ducks in a overly-early planned row. But this year, Christmases past, the memories and the real life change of life have burrowed into my heart and mind and are quick to pop up at unexpected moments.

The image etched in my mind of the treats table at my grandparent farm house. That one has been constant.

My great grandmas, Great Uncle Warren and 20 other family members crowding into the house to eat a meal to huge to recount.

Candlelight service in a small town church at 10:00 p.m.

The laughter, joy and chaos of traveling 4 hours, with three teen kids and Jack-Attacks (long, funny story. My dad will be known as Jack Attack by many people for…ever.)

The years before marriages, when Christmas was the immediate family, and there was no jockeying of position, time, and families.

The years of little babies, happy marriages, and joyful conversation.

The years of the kids not knowing who “Santa” (Grandpa) was.

Oh, yes. There are memories. The memories of Christmases past are beautiful and, at times, haunting. I have been struck by how many memories have brought not a smile but a sadness of change. Change is inevitable. Yet change can make you feel incredibly thankful.

I am blessed that I have grandparents who created Christmas memories that will last a lifetime. I am thankful I have parents who treasured their children so much and savored (despite the headaches) the long drives. I am thankful my Grandma and mom taught me how to cook, bake and carry on traditions.

I am blessed to have two brothers who love and annoy me. I am thankful that we are a family, and that God has blessed us with marriages and additional families who love us and want to be with us at this special time.

I am blessed by my nieces and nephews who bring joy and light to the lives of my kids, my in-laws and us. I am thankful for the memories being made each time they are together. I am thankful for my brother in law, strong, determined. I am thankful for Heather, giving love like there’s no end… (which there is not, by the way)

I am blessed to have a friend who loves me and hears my heartache at some of the change that hurt…

I am thankful for my husband and kids and the Christmas memories we are making little by little.

I am blessed by the spirit of family and friends that comes to heart and mind at Christmas.

The season is here once again and I am working on a joyful heart, and an attitude of thanksgiving. I am thankful for the people God has put in my life and the One he sent for my eternal life. I am looking to the next week with Unspeakable Joy.

Tonight, I post from a hospital bed. I’m on the 7th floor of a hospital, sharing a room with a cancer patient. It’s quiet now, at 10:30 p.m. The only sounds around me are the pumping of our respective medications, and the occasional beeps when one of our lines get pinched, or the antibiotic (me) or chemo (her) is gone.

I very much dislike the hospital. I spent 4 hours in ER tonight, waiting first as a trauma came in, and later for a bed to open up somewhere. I ended up on 7th. Oncology. As they wheeled me into the room, the only one available at 8:00 on Sunday, I immediately felt a deep need for fresh air. Let me outside! Please! But there is no fresh air here. No, only the smell of alcohol hand sanitizer, forced air, and unfortunately, on an oncology floor, very ill people.

I spent the four hours in ER tonight, with my husband, weighing the options. I am not desperately, gravely ill. Instead, there’s a little hiccup in my heath at the present time that makes all the normal procedures sketchy, all the by-the-book decisions difficult.

And so, there is only faith. As the docs, nurses, assistants and so on came filing in and out of my room, as they poked, prodded, asked questions, and drew ridiculous amounts of blood, there is only faith.

My husband left for awhile to get things in order so we could admit me, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I prayed a lot. Well, tried to pray, but words wouldn’t come. Bible verses I know and depend on regularly escaped me. The only song I could think of, of the thousands I know, was How He Loves Us.

No. There is only faith. There are times in life when none of the religiosity, none of the knowledge, the institutions, the wisdom…none of it matter. The pious prayers, the memorized lines don’t matter.

None of it matters, really. Because my faith means I am NEVER alone. As I sat physically alone in my ER room, preparing to be admitted, no words were said, no well versed prayers were uttered and no point needed to be made. I was not alone. He who said I will never leave you nor forsake you kept His promise. It matters not what others think. It matters only what I know and feel in my heart when I am left with nothing but faith.

The other day, I was on a social networking site and got into a discussion with someone who has very different concepts of faith than I.

They pulled Ghandi’s like. “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ.” Smart line. Good line. Ghandi was wise. And Ghandi made a point. Of course Ghandi made a point. When didn’t Ghandi make a point?

The discussion got me thinking. Do people who take issue with those who have faith in God (in this case, specifically, Christians) really know what they are talking about? Or is it just stereotype, after stereotype? Stereotypes exist for a reason. I get that. But if you base your arguments and concepts on stereotypes, are you really much more educated than those you claim are not? Why do so many people base their opinions of those of faith on stereotypes? Why don’t they actually do the research?

In science, theories are tested, tested, and tested some more. The best research departments in the world don’t run one study and then say “Oh, that’s it. We’ve solved it.” If that were the case, there would be nothing for graduate students and PHD candidates to do.

No. The research is done. Over and over again.

So in this case, to truly conduct this research:

You don’t attend one church your whole life and call it “extensive research.”

You don’t read the Bible once or twice and call it “extensive research.” Specifically, you don’t read the Bible through YOUR lens and call it “extensive research.”

You don’t read the information and opinions of only those who support your theories and call it “extensive research.”

You DO actually talk to people who practice what they do, and learn why. This becomes more like a sociological experiment. Learn about the people. Not just the stereotypes.
One of the best conversations I’ve had about the Bible was with someone who I love dearly, but has a different worldview. It happened recently as we sat at a restaurant having our (I wish it was more often…) monthly girls night.

She made a comment, about the “fairy tales” of the Bible. It’s fair to say that I got a irritated about it. I explained why, that the term “fairy tales” is so disrespectful of those who have faith and such a typical – almost stereotypical – argument of skeptics.

I went about explaining the literary purpose or writing. Just like every book in the world has a literary purpose, so too do the books of the Old Testament. Some are written as poetry. Others as a historical picture. Still others are proverbs (quite literally Proverbs). She said “I have never thought of it that way before.”

Yes. How often do we “never think of it that way before.” How often do we make assumptions, buy stereotypes, and form opinions without ever really doing the research.

If, after really researching, really learning the other side, lets really talk. Then it will be an awesome, productive debate, not shrouded in assumption, but instead in truly educated thought.

Black Friday.

Years ago, my mom and I ventured out at 5:00 a.m. for our first Black Friday. It was fun. Moms and daughters out enjoying special time. Back then only a few stores opened early. Back then, early was 5:00 a.m. You’d go to kick off the Christmas shopping season. We’d get hot cocoa and have a jolly time, talking to the cashiers and other moms and daughters (and the occasional dreary husband!) about the joy of the season. Things have changed.

This year, I somehow managed to pick up a little part-time job at  Children’s Clothing Store.  So I went to work. At 11:40 p.m. on Thanksgiving.

The store was packed. The whole mall was packed. People lined the hallways waiting to get the merchandise promised as on sale for  “extra cheap.” Across the hall, at Well Known Lingerie Store, people literally were pounding on the gates and screaming to be let in. Really. I ran into a family from church who waited in line at Soap, Lotion, and Smelly Stuff Store  for 1 hour. To buy a candle. After shopping for a few minutes.

My brother-in-law’s girlfriend told me people were camped out at Best Electronics Store at 4:00 p.m. Thursday. I heard that people at Mass Discount retailer and Upscale Mass Discount retailer were pushing, shoving, running people over with carts – and in one case – stealing the cart from someone who’d gotten a prized TV (Only $600 on sale!!!)

All within hours of sitting down and giving thanks… Where is the Thanks? How can we sit and claim to give thanks for what we have, when our obsession lies with how much more we want? Why do we spend so much time focusing on what’s missing.

Or maybe, there was no sitting down and giving thanks in the first place. Maybe all focus was on the shopping to come.

For a long time, my husband and I ran the race of wanting more. More, more, more. Bigger TV, bigger house, bigger car, better brand, better clothes. It got us more…that’s for sure. More debt. More junk. More realization that more eventually results in wanting more.

This year, I was literally sick to my stomach, watching many people spend more in a day than some people make in a month. Watching many people rack up more debt in one day than they will be able to pay off in a month. Seeing people drop a grand on a TV they don’t really need – because it’s on sale. Observing people pound on glass and act like heathens, grabbing whatever is closest to get the free grab bag. More.

Man can not serve two masters. It’s God or money. Late in his life, King Solomon realized that he had been overcome by the world and wrote “meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless.” Wise words from a wise man who learned the hard way.

This holiday season, we look forward to the gift God gave us. As you celebrate, I challenge you – and me – to not think of having more, giving more, getting more. Rather, scale back and give thanks for what you have. Give thanks for life. Give thanks for family. Give thanks for Jesus. Cherish your life. Cherish your family. Cherish Jesus. Everything else is meaningless.

Praise God, I am forgiven.

I had a rough few days last week. It was a few days where you don’t really know why things are rough, they just are. Nothing tragic happened, nothing earth shattering.  It started with minor illness and ended with a stupid, fluke, ridiculous car accident. I just wanted to scream and cry and be cranky. My husband can assure you that I did all three quite well. Pathetic me. Poor him.

In times of frustration, self-loathing and self-pity, I do a really poor job of remembering God’s greatness and giving thanks. In fact, I get to a point where I ignore God’s graces, God’s gifts, and instead focus on all my earthy frustration and failure. All I can focus on are the things are going wrong. “This is wrong, that’s bad, this never works out, that never goes the way I want it to.”

During my times of frustration, Jeff tries to remind me of all the good we have, all the great things God has done for us, how much we have been blessed with. He reminds me that my frustrations are over such small stuff. No one has died, no one is sick, we have a home, transportation, food.

In response, I act like a two-year old. A spoiled, self-centered two-year-old who can’t have a piece of candy. “I WANT IT MY WAY! IF I CAN’T HAVE IT, WATCH OUT.” Embarrassing. This is embarrassing to write. Painfully embarrassing, because it’s true.

I imagine that a lot of us are like this. Maybe we don’t all throw a fit and lay in a pile sobbing, but we respond in our own way. Maybe we stonewall our loved ones, or go drink a fifth. Perhaps we run out for “retail-therapy” or pick fights with our spouse, kids, parents or friends. Maybe our way of dealing with these earthy frustrations is throwing ourselves into more work, more activities so we can avoid the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Being overwhelmed, feeling lost, hurt and broken are common feelings. So common in fact, that Psalm after Psalm is dedicated to times like these. “Have mercy, God.” “Where are you, God?” “Why am I feeling this, God?” “I feel abandoned God.”

But God is so great. SO great. In the depths of our brokenness, He loves. He loves so much. And He reminds us that even when we forget about him and focus on ourselves, we are FORGIVEN. How great is our God!?!?!

I am forgiven. When all I can think of are all the things I don’t do right, I am forgiven. When Satan won’t let me forget, I am forgiven. When I am reminded of past mistakes, I am forgiven. When I act like I am a two year old, I am forgiven…

“When I don’t amount to much in this life, I am a treasure in the eyes of Christ.”

(Written November 6, 2011)

Every morning, I wake up. I stretch out in my warm,  comfortable bed. I get up and walk across my carpeted floor to my indoor bathroom. At the flip of a switch, 6 – 60 watt bulbs come one. At the turn of a lever, hot clean water races out of the shower head. I get dressed in clothes that, when tallied up, cost over $150 bucks for the outfit…$40 jeans, $40 sweatshirts, $70 tennis shoes…

I walk out to the kitchen and pour cereal for my kids, with milk on top and orange juice to drink. My daughter asks for a drink of water and out of the tap comes clean, sparkling clear water. The kids get their coats on, put on their shoes and load up their backpacks with three books each, their homework folders, a new notebook for one, and a bag of snacks for snack day…

I am blessed, yet I have the audacity to want more, be frustrated when I don’t have money to buy a new pair of boots. I have the audacity to think that I don’t make enough, can’t go on vacation more often. Guilt trip? Maybe. Or maybe it’s the stark reality, the depressing realization that I have more than I would ever need, and I need a heart shock to open my eyes.

All across the country, in hospitals, schools, buildings, businesses and churches like ours, there are AED devices on the walls. These devices are used in the event of a heart attack to get the heart going, to give a person who has suffered cardiac arrest a new lease on life.

This morning, at church, I got a very different shock, but one that gives me a new lease on life. It was Orphan Sunday. At each service, we watched Journey to Jamaa, a movie put out by World Vision. Stunning, difficult, real. Shocking. As is typical when people really see what’s happening a world away, there were lots of tears, and lots of realization that we don’t do nearly enough to help others. We do a lot for ourselves, to make sure “me and mine” are cared for, but the rest … pssh. No, many got a shock, many had an eyeopening.

I was reminded today that “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” (James 1:27)

There are two parts there. That we are to care for orphans and widows. But also to keep from being polluted by the world. And that means a few things:

1) Don’t be all caught up on yourself (I fail…)

2) Don’t play the  “we need to take care of those in America first.” Yeah, I get it. And a lot of us do. It’s 100% completely and totally possible to care for those around the world AND care for those here…but it requires selfLESSness. Too many of us lack that quality.

3) Forget about status, what people think of you, and FOLLOW Jesus. What He says. “Give until it hurts.” When you give in such a way, it’s amazing what God will do.

So, my heart check was sponsored by WorldVision. Natani (Mozambique), Ruth (Peru) and Hardlife (Zimbabwe) are sponsored by Jeff and I. Our sponsored children share the same birthday’s with our three children. We have the ability to make a difference in all 6 lives, and show all 6 the love of Jesus. We have a RESPONSIBILITY to Lucas, Alex and Lisa to help them realize that as Christians, we are called to love and care for others…not just ourselves.

I encourage you to check out WorldVision. Take a leap of faith. Take a step in the direction of following Jesus and caring for the least of these, the most in need. Trust what God will do if you give of yourself, your time and your money…until it hurts – because God is breaking your heart for the things that break his.

Once in a while, I start to think about judgment. I start to think about why so many people in this nation and world view Christians as judgmental, hypocritical and close minded. I think I’ve learned it lately, first hand. And I am a devoted, uh…Christian.

In the last few weeks I have been around Christians of different stripes. Not just people who go to church on Sunday. No, people who actually work in the church. I’ve spent time with those on the most liberal edges and fringes of the faith and those on the conservative. From each side, I have felt judgment.

Judgment because I am Lutheran, judgment because I am Evangelical. Judgment because I believe in the Bible and judgment because I believe Jesus is the real deal and that I firmly believe and teach that to be Christian, there must be a desire to follow Jesus.

It bugs me, because many of the people who are judging are those who say I judge. People who believe my church, our organization and what we believe about God and the Bible is judgmental. Really? I can tell you now how uncomfortable it is to stand among Christians and feel a desperate desire to not be in that place. A deep, tightening of the stomach that makes you want to run, cry and vomit, all at once. It feels threatening, frightening, and disrespectful. If I feel like this and I am within the faith how does it feel to be outside. If we preach an inclusive Gospel, are we being inclusive of those already in the faith? Lately, I think not…

I think this is very important to remember as Christians and Christian teachers. If we are really to build the church and spread the awesome name of Jesus, then we need to watch what is said and assumed about those on the other side of the aisle, different denominations, and theological sides.

And for the record, I don’t think Francis Chan is nutty or Bill Hybels is scary. In fact, I think they preach some pretty legit messages…

I’ve been struggling a bit with this message lately, with the dumbed down, diluted version of our awesome God. With the assumption that people – kids, adults, closet Christians and proclaiming ones – can’t wrap their heads around a just God, so we just feed them love. Love, love, love. God is love.

I know God is love. I know that. I know He loves us, he wants us, he desires a relationship with us. But God is also just.

Why does this matter?

God demonstrates his love for us in this: while we were sinners Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

See there, we read that God loves us in the first part. Awesome. But read the second: Christ died for us. Christ died for you, for me. For all of us. That’s awesome. But that’s also justice.

If we remove the fact that God is just from the equation, then Jesus gets removed from the equation. If we deny that God is just, then what was done on the cross for us loses all value, all significance, all understanding. If we remove Jesus from the equation, then the reality is that God doesn’t really love us either, because he did nothing to proclaim or demonstrate his love.

So here’s where it stands: It’s about Jesus. It’s all about Jesus. If all we ever do is preach love, love, love, then people are never going to really understand why they believe  what they do. If people don’t fully understand the message of the cross, and what was done there for us, then they can not understand fully God’s love. You can preach God is love, but you need to preach HOW he is love, WHY he is love.

And the how is Jesus. The why is Jesus. God came down, love came down.  Jesus walked on earth – fully human, fully divine, to teach us about God, to show us his awesomeness. And then he went to the cross as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. If we fall to that cross, and die to ourselves, accepting Jesus for who he was and what he did, then that relationship with God is restored. And there, in that moment, Jesus proved that God is love and God is just.